


no getting stabbed

by betp



Category: In Other Lands
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 10:18:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13832112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betp/pseuds/betp
Summary: Elliot lectures Luke for a minute.





	no getting stabbed

“There are rules when you are going to war,” Elliot tells Luke. He stops pulling up his socks to squint at Elliot. “This is a part of the new truce.”  

“We have a new truce?”

“Yes,” says Elliot.

Luke does an aborted eyeroll, which is when you are so annoyed that your eyeroll of annoyance fails partway through and your eye just sort of twitches at the wall. Elliot waits. “Fine,” sighs Luke, reaching for his boots. “What are the parameters of the new truce?”

“Part 3, subsection A: Behaviour While Away,” Elliot says. Luke snorts, but continues equipping footwear. “No getting stabbed, no getting shot with arrows,” Elliot says, counting off on his fingers. “No getting hit with spears, no getting smashed, no getting caught in a net—”

“Caught in a net?” exclaims Luke.

Elliot barrels on: “No drowning, no getting set on fire, no cheating on me, no losing, breaking, or rupturing of eyes, organs, or extremities, no getting brainwashed, no getting kidnapped, no joining of religious cults, no getting robbed—”

“Elliot—”

“—no _interrupting me_ ,” Elliot says at him. “No getting hit or crushed with rocks, or boulders, or anything heavy, no falling in love with anybody anywhere, no getting trampled, no getting bitten, no forgetting about me, no getting clawed, sawed, or cut, no destruction of books—”

“Elliot!” Luke’s perplexed amusement is now blatantly outweighing his irritation. While Elliot will grudgingly concede it is charming, Elliot has already made clear that interjecting Elliot’s speeches with irrelevant absurdities is doing violence to Elliot’s momentum. Violence is still obsoletely outlawed in Part 2, Subsection B.

“ _No interrupting me_ ,” Elliot says louder. Then, squinting, he puts his hands on his hips. “Did I say no getting stabbed?”

“Yes,” says Luke, standing.

“I can’t remember.”

“Yes! You did. You said it right at the beginning.”

“No, I don’t remember,” Elliot says. “This is why we don’t interrupt Elliot. Now I have to start over.” Luke groans and puts a hand over his eyes. “No falling in love with anyone! Anyone!”

“That one’s most important?” asks Luke, coming closer.

“No,” says Elliot irritably. “Losing eyes and getting brainwashed are large concerns for me. Also getting stabbed. No getting stabbed.”

“Yes. Items one, twenty, and twenty-four, no getting stabbed.”

“Were you really counting?”

“Of course not. I think you’re making this up as you go!”

“I’m not!”

“Sure, Elliot.”

“Oh!” Luke is standing directly in front of Elliot now, so Elliot is able to poke his chest hard with his ballpoint pen for emphasis. Luke’s leather shirt will protect him; the wincing is from Luke being a baby. “No getting poisoned, and no falling from unsurvivable heights.”

“Falling from great heights isn’t really a concern of mine,” Luke tells him aridly, which Elliot finds frankly obnoxious.

“Fine. Then no going unconscious or getting injured while flying.”

“Maybe you should just give me a hard copy of your _allegedly not improvised_ rules,” Luke says. He is not taking this seriously enough. “Otherwise I might forget to not be caught in a net.”

“I read about it in a book on forest warfare,” Elliot explains. “Harpies from the far east were lured into traps and caught in nets. There were steel wires woven into the fibres and the harpies weren’t able to escape. And they were burned alive.” Luke pauses. “And another troupe claimed to seek a pact with a clan of dwarves, only when they toasted to peace, all the dwarves died because the troupe had poisoned their wine.”

Luke watches him, frowning. He looks genuinely surprised and upset. Ever the soldier: he probably hates being reminded that not everyone doesn’t fight dirty. “Okay,” Luke says calmly after a long pause. “I won’t get wounded, poisoned, or otherwise bamboozled.” Elliot nods graciously. “And I won’t fall in love with anybody. And I will write.”

“Yes, that’s the last thing,” Elliot says. “Forgetting or being angry with me are not acceptable excuses. No neglecting to write.”

“I never have before, have I?”

“You _could_ stand to write more often,” grouses Elliot, but it’s empty and Luke knows it. Elliot likes the way Luke sometimes threads his fingers through Elliot’s hair when he kisses him. Like he’s deliberately ensnaring himself. A little possessive. As he always does before Luke leaves to go do stupid Sunborn crap, Elliot throws his entire self into this kiss, as if by virtue of his own ardency he could brand himself permanently on Luke’s mind. In fact, he has an impulse to knock Luke down and take him to bed, just once more, quick, before he leaves. He’s a little less likely to forget Elliot when the last thing he remembers of him is passionate pre-war sex. Only Luke’s standing and ready to leave.

“It goes both ways,” Luke says when Elliot finally stops kissing him. He’s a little flushed and his mouth looks a little like it’s been punched. “You can’t do any of that stuff either.”

Like it’ll be an issue with Elliot pacing and sulking in the Sunborn library, but “Fine,” he says. Whatever. Luke kisses him again. He knows Elliot likes a good punctuation kiss. Then Elliot remembers something: “Oh. One more thing.”

“What,” says Luke, pulling his satchel over his shoulder and looking warily at Elliot.

“No finding and adopting war-torn children without my input,” Elliot says. Luke looks at him like he is completely insane, as if this wasn’t a clear conversation they have had before. Okay, fine, it was a conversation they had when they were fifteen, but Elliot recalls it, and all he wants is input.

“No stowing away in our wagon,” Luke tells Elliot suddenly. Elliot is not amused. What a specious accusation: they’re only fighting humans, and who wants to deal with _that_? “No falling down the tower stairs. No getting in fights with my family members…”

“That I will _not_ agree to,” Elliot announces. “Some of your family members are horrible imbeciles.”

“No breaking the window.” That was not Elliot’s fault. “No breaking your arm.” Nor was that. “No stabbing yourself…” _Well_.

“I do not consent to any of this,” says Elliot loftily. There is impatient shouting outside, and Luke glances out the window.

“I have to go,” Luke says.

“Okay.” Elliot steps back. “Bye.”

Luke turns, but he pauses at the door. He looks back at Elliot, who feels caught off guard and pinned. “And no falling in love with anyone,” Luke tells him. Like there will be anyone here even remotely comparable. A stupid request on Luke’s part. At least it made _sense_ coming from Elliot. Elliot can’t manage to summon this complaint verbally before Luke hurries out the door.

Elliot goes and slumps onto the window sill so he can sullenly watch them all mount horses and climb onto the back of the wagon and take off. It’s probably Elliot’s wishful imagination, but he thinks Luke looks at Elliot in the window as they disappear over the hill.

 

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  _Dear Elliot,_  
>   
>  _Just wanted to let you know I have been stabbed and am on fire. ..._  
>   
>  A few things:
> 
>   * This conversation is taking place in Luke's bedroom.
>   * Luke isn't upset about immoral war tactics. He just didn't realize until Elliot told him about his reading that this conversation was actually about Elliot being terrified of losing him.
>   * It also put an asterisk next to every item on the list. Elliot may have worried specifically about each scenario separately. It's easy to mistake his meticulousness for irrationality. 
>   * The first truce was intended to protect Elliot from Luke. This one is to protect Luke from everything. Elliot doesn't actually have any control over whether a truce gets followed or not, which is why his nails are all chewed down to nubs.
>   * And steel exists apparently???
> 



End file.
